I never thought I would hurt him so bad. And I never thought that he would grow numb. When I told him I've had enough, He simply let me go. I felt relieved afterwards. Not wanting to argue or defend whatever decision I was making. He's gone.

I slept on it. He did too.

I woke up the next day feeling a little uneasy, realizing that I'm single - that there's a big part of me that's simply gone. I tried to hold back the stinging pain and I managed. It felt weird because my emotions were quite stable. When things like this happen, I simply sob my way through it. But this time, I just didn't.

I buzzed him. No answer. I felt like breaking up was too easy for him, too. The whole day went by and I tried to hide the hurt that was slowly filling up inside of me. Finally, he messaged me. He asked if my decision was final. I said yes. But he said he's not gonna buy it. He needs to talk to me in person and that breaking up through YM isn't just right. We decided to meet up that night in a cafe.

When I saw him coming in the cafe, his face was calm. There was not a single hint or trace of hate or anger on his face. I felt guilty. I felt bad. I felt ashamed because I was selfish. We talked. Had coffee. And there was something in the way that he explained things that made me realize that he's grown and matured. He was not the same person I met almost 6 years ago - a boy. Now, he's turned into a man. He's grown more wise and I felt relieved and happy about it. He wanted to give it another chance and I said I wanted it, too. I was so fickle minded lately. And I felt sorry for hurting him that way.

Anyway, we made a promise to each other. We said that we're going to have to set our priorities right. We're going to make time for every responsibility and relationship we have - from God, to our family, to friends, to church, and ourselves.

I enjoy being single. But I'm committed to someone. How do you break it off? I try not to speak with him. I don't call him as often, well, I haven't since 3 weeks ago. I try not to text him. But there's something in him that makes my being quiet just okay. I hate it. How do I break it off?

I can't picture myself spending the rest of my life with him. Before, I did. But everything seems so blurry now. I can't even say "yes" when asks me if I want to get married soon. Hell no! I don't want to yet! Why can't he get the hint? I hate it! I want to be free! It seems a little selfish, but I don't want both of our lives go miserable just because I can't tell him.

But how do I start? How do I say it?

It's so hard!

How do you know if you're not in love anymore? Is it enough, or even fair, to say that you want to meet other people?

I have a boyfriend. And we've been together for five years now. We got together when I was just seventeen and him, twenty. I don't know if he really courted me because I remember him taking me out for a movie, just once. And I just realized now that it's not really the type of date that we, girls, are dreaming of. He took me to watch "The Ring". Not my type of movie but all I remember was his perfume playing at the tip of my nose and that I was scared half of the time. I felt in love. So much in love at that time. I would always want to hear his voice, to see his name appear on my cellphone, to see him and to be near him. I got so much in love to the point that I did stupid things I thought I never would've done.

We were both in college at that time. I was the best student that I could be - I was in the dean's list. Him, on the other hand, was catching up on some subjects he failed once or twice already. Not a good front for my parents. I was just so amazed and swept away with his love for "adventure" that now, thinking of it more deeply, I think it made me lose my sense of self. I got into things that he likes - rock music, painting, and even cutting classes (that I did twice or thrice - not sure if that has so much bearing). Anyway, he said he's a Christian. I am. But thinking of it now, his being a Christian was just my excuse before to my parents so that they would allow us to be together. I was fooling myself. Because, at that time, I believed, felt and told myself that I'm in love.

And for that five years, I've been so much faithful to him. So much faithful that even a very sensitive issue that could break us up won't stop me from really loving him and forgiving him. I almost thought he's the one...

He kept on telling me that we should already get married. It was pretty exciting at first but as more days and months passed by, doubt and fear comes crawling my way. I can't picture myself being with him for the rest of my life. That's just it! And I can't seem to tell him that. I'm afraid that he'll get hurt so bad. But what can I do? What should I do?

I thought he was the one. That was until I met another guy. I met him in a youth camp. My friend and I volunteered to help out at the mudslide gamestation and it just happened! This guy...we just talked for hours! We jived so well and he made me feel comfortable. He's a Christian - that's one definite and sure thing I can say about this guy because he's just so passionate about what he does for Christ at this youth camp. He's very mature even if we're of the same age. You could say that I got this little crush on him but it made me realize that my boyfriend now is not really the person that I could picture myself growing old with. it's not him. It also made me realize that there are a lot of people out there in the world that I could meet. I've restricted myself to my current relationship and that made me blind about the world around me.

So, how do you say it's enough? That it's over? How do you "break it gently"?

I've got a story to tell. A story buried deep inside my heart. A story that needs to be written down and read.

The story is about me, mostly about love, relationships, work, and family.

Hear me out.